Are you all big fans of the New Year's Resolution? I typically don't make big resolutions (although like the rest of the world I would certainly like to eat better, work out more, volunteer more, yell less) but instead I really try to use the new year to take stock of my own life and question if I like the direction that it's heading. The short answer is yes. Love the kids, love my husband, love my life... yada yada. I feel as though I should (and typically don't) have any complaints. The long answer is always more complicated and it really took me to until the end of last year to figure out why I was feeling so much strife on a daily basis.
I first thought it was politics and the great division that I was feeling around me with friends and family, but as much as that irks me I don't think that's the issue. Then I thought maybe it was whole Winter/ holiday frenzy that was throwing me off internally, and while there definitely was some of that going on I've come to realize that the real issue is me. It's the same issue that I circle around every year so for you long time readers this will come as no surprise.
Basically I just need to chill the f@$& out.
I talked about this a little last year (and some version of that every year before) but really it always comes down to the fact that I am somewhat of a control freak (minus the somewhat) and a perfectionist (and yes, I hate the use of that word too) and I'm also incredibly impatient (incredibly) so I tend to stress out over the smallest details. Small, minor, completely irrelevant details. I can create a problem in my head, blow it up, give it tons of weight and then carry that weight all week for absolutely no reason. Clearly, this helps no one and in the end really just hurts me (and my poor hubby that has to listen to me.)
No more. (Well, hopefully no more.)
This year I intend o relax more internally. I want to try to take things as they come, fighting my urge to control everything. I want to stop trying to read into things (sometimes an email is just and email!!!) and to learn to roll with the punches a little more. I want to spend more time in my real world and less in my virtual (social media is definitely a trigger for me I'm starting to find.) This year I want to see my actual friends more or even just spend time on the phone with them. I want to read books and stop scrolling Instagram. I want to really enjoy my kids and stop worrying about EVERYTHING (screen time, gun violence, what they ate ((what they didn't eat,)) are they happy?) Sure, in small doses this is not a problem, but the problem comes when the same track starts to be the ONLY track and I really want to put pause on that and sometimesroll the windows down and sing or take a nap, anything but sit and stew (or worse scroll the Internet).
Life is short and I just want to have more fun while I'm living it.
Is this a earth shattering resolution? Is this even a resolution? Will forcing myself to lighten up and have fun actually make my year more fun? I'm not sure, but I am definitely looking forward to finding out!
Speaking of fun, I also want to try to have a little bit more fun in my wardrobe. In my attempt to have a more serious (and grown up) wardrobe, I think I may have forgotten how much fun it can be to just put on a dress with ruffles and a pair of studded boots and hit the streets (in a non prostitute way of course.) As much as I love my uniform of gray and black it can sometimes feel a bit boring (hmmmm I wonder why ;)) and after borrowing this dress from my sister-in-law I was reminded that fashion is supposed to be fun! It's reminiscent of something that Carrie Bradshaw would have worn and really if there is anyone who knows how to have fun with clothes it is most certainly SJP. Are the leopard glasses and clutch a bit much? Probably. Does that make it a little more fun? Most definitely. Going forward that is all that matters. xx