The Little Man's Do Not Call List.

I hate telemarketers. Hate them with a burning passion. I don't mind so much the calls per se, I get it, it's a job, and for most people and it can't be a very enjoyable one at that. Honestly, can you imagine waking up every day knowing that you are only going to talk to people who are either 1) rude, 2) annoyed, or 3) both. It's probably a similar feeling to having to deal with a 2 year old, who never grows up, every day, for the rest of your professional life. Yeah, that must be some kind of hell.

The calls I don't mind, but what I do mind is when the caller won't take NO! for an answer. Not when said in my sweetest voice, not when said politely, not when said with a stern and assured tone, not even when threatened with a call to the phone police (I'm pretty sure they exist, right.) Usually, I can get them to leave me alone with a quick, "I'm on the do not call list, you know?" But for one company (who for now will remain nameless,) they just wont quit. Every day the phone rings at 9am, and then again at 7pm, and the caller id on my screen always shows the same annoying name and number. I thought maybe it was some type of computer that was serial calling me, but to my amazement, the one time I answered there was actually a human on the other end of the phone. I again politely explained that we were not interested, they finally let me off the line, and I thought we were done with it.

Until the next morning.

Yep, same time, same place, same number. Rather than sending it to voicemail I decided to fight fire with fire. I thought of the most annoying person I know (said only with love it my heart) and I put my kid on the phone.





"Um, is your mother home?"

"I two and half"

"Can I talk to you mother?"

"Hi! I have a cracker, you see my cracker?"

"Can I speak to your parent."

"Happy Birthday!"

"Give the phone to your mother." (who at this point is probably heard cracking up in the background.)

"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELMNOP, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, WHY, and Z.

"You need to put your mommy on the phone!"

"I two and half.... bbbbyyyyyyeeeee."


As you can see it has its own way of getting rid of those pesky calls. One would think that they would put me on some kind of, "kill yourself before ever calling this number," list, but rather I think I may have found myself of the, "this bitch thinks she's funny, let's now call her four times a day, show her who's boss list," because now they seem to be calling ALL THE TIME. That's okay I say, my Little Man has plenty of songs in his little repertoire and a penchant for never hanging up first.

Call me... I dare you.

P.S. I'd be happy to put my kid on tape for all of you with the same problem. Really, why should we be the ones having all the fun?