Back To The Drawing Board.

Did you all hear the story about the girl who wanted to have a baby so bad that she literally injected a perfect embryo into her uterus? The punch line is that by even doing something that crazy she still wasn't able to get knocked up. The sad part of course is that this time the joke's on me.

I'm sure most of you saw yesterday that we learned that our first attempt at IVF was a giant failure. Obviously this is devastating news for us. I really was so convinced that it was going to work that I honestly never considered what it feel like if it didn't. In case there was any doubt it really, really, really sucked. What also really sucks is that now we have to wait two more months until we can start again. We have to take a one month "rest" break, and because we booked a trip to Costa Rica in June, naively thinking that this was going to work, we now have to wait until July for another go. I would bag the trip completely, but as my husband says, "we can't just stop living our lives." My response is we absolutely can, but I do get his point. The only thing that would be worse than not having another baby is sitting around waiting to have another baby and then not having said baby.

The problem is that of this waiting does not sit well with me. I seem to be lacking in the patience gene,  so I spent most of yesterday hatching a plan. I am 30 years old (for another two weeks), I have had a healthy baby the natural way, and there is technically nothing wrong with me, so I'm just going to say "screw you" to the IVF and have this baby on my own (with a little help from my husband of course.) No drugs, no needles, no "magic pills" none of it. I am going to eat cleaner than I ever have before, practice yoga as much as is humanly possible, and we are going make this baby the old fashioned way. Hey, if the girls on 16 and Pregnant can do it why can't I?

I realize that I may be completely delusional but I have never been one to shy away from a challenge so why start now? My hope is that we can be one of those people down the road who joke about our little foray into the infertility world and how crazy it was that in the end we didn't even need medical intervention. If that doesn't work than we will always have another go with some new embryos in July.

Bottom line, I will have another baby.

I can't thank all of you enough for your calls, emails, and comments. Yesterday was really tough and knowing that I had so many amazing friends and family members in my corner really made things much more bearable. I would also like to thank my girls who took me out to a fabulous dinner and plied me with a significant amount of red wine. Really is there anything that some good conversation and one bottle  two bottles of red wine can't cure? Yeah, I didn't think so.