I Don't See Any Other Choice.

Last night we made the decision to hold off our day five transfer until March, meaning any blastocysts that we have (I am still waiting on the number and praying for at least two) will be frozen and I have no hope or chance of getting pregnant for at least another 8 weeks. My doctor called me this morning to assure me that she was 100 percent in favor of my decision. Even now I'm not so sure. Yep, another bump in the road.

Long story long my hyperstimulation got pretty bad. I was on bed rest all week and went from being very uncomfortable to crying in pain and back. It went on like this until today when I finally woke up and felt somewhat like my old self again. I can finally walk the stairs without wincing in pain, and I was even able to take the LM to the bookstore. You have no idea how much of a difference a day truly made. In short I am almost back to my pre-retrieval self.

So why not go forward with the transfer you ask? The thing about hyperstimulation is that it never goes away, meaning that it we were to have a successful transfer of the embryos and I was pregnant, than I would again get sick. The kicker is that because hyperstimulation is estrogen controlled I would be ever worse than I was this week, for 8 whole weeks. This means months of bed rest and in the end I just didn't think it was fair to my little man to take away his Momma for so long. Had he not been in the picture I would have totally sucked it up and implanted, but obviously we don't have that option.

If we wait until March to do the transfer then I wont have the hyperstimulation and barring any other hiccup I should be able to have a completely "normal" and healthy pregnancy. Duh, right?Well, the problem is that in freezing my little blastocysts (120 cell embryos) there is not a 100 percent guarantee that they will survive, in fact it is 80. This means that theoretically if I only have 1 frozen and it doesn't survive, than in two months we will be in EXACTLY the same place we are now. We would have to do another round of injections, followed by another retrieval (where again I would be almost guaranteed to hyperstimulate) and then I would be looking a the same two months of bed rest and I will be kicking myself for having waited for months to again be faced with the exact same situation that I am in now. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

As I said I am currently waiting (aka climbing the walls) to see how many of my eggs made it to "blastocyst" status. If there are 2 I will know we absolutely made the right decision. If there is only one I sure as hell hope it's a strong one because I really need that baby to make it through the freeze.So that's it. I should be better in no time, my future spawn is on ice, and I'm looking forward to a significant amount of cocktails in Fiji, California, and Florida (the trips that I will be taking prior to the next implantation date.)

I'm still not sure if we made the right decision but really I don't see any other choice. I keep reminding myself that we are very lucky to have the LM and I am also very lucky to have my health. When you look at the devastation in Haiti and the tragic loss of life, how can I complain about a few extra months? So I won't. We are going to have to take what comes and not second guess ourselves. I will have this baby sooner rather than later. You hear that universe? I am going to have another baby so it's time you get with the program.