The little man and I are currently somewhere over Utah on our way back to Boston. For the first time in about a decade I am actually a bit sad about leaving my hometown. I typically find it strange to be in my parent's house, in the same town where I grew up. A place that should be familiar but usually leaves me feeling like an outsider. This time it was different. I don't know if it was the catching up with old friends that I hadn't seen in far too long or if it was the beautiful sunny weather, or the fact that I was seeing my old town through the eyes of my baby boy, but for some reason this time it felt different. Almost freeing. In some ways the short trip was way to short and in others way to long. For a few days there I really felt like my old college self. Staying up till the wee hours in the morning, having wine for dinner, and driving up and down the coast to watch the sun set.
That feeling of freedom has me feeling like I might be in a small rut back home. I'm not quite sure what my next move is and although that hasn't bothered me much in the past, these past few nights I have been lying awake unable to think of anything else. Perhaps it's the all consuming fertility drama, or the mortgage (aka responsibility) or the fact that I spend my days solely taking care of my family but I am all of a sudden feeling much older than my thirty years.
Don't get me wrong, I very much am content with my life at home. I just think I maybe need to mix things up a bit. Try to put a little more of myself back into my life. While I have no grand plan I have come up with a few baby steps. The first is that I need to get back to writing my book. I was on such a roll and then somehow in the past few months I just fell off the wagon. The other night I explained the premise to a friend and it reminded me of just how much I love the story and the writing fire is again ignited in me.
I also need to find a pool to join when I get back home. Before I had the little man I used to love to swim. I went yesterday and I was reminded of how much I love it. It is just such a quiet place to work through your thoughts until you physically can't take any more. I love that feeling of calm that you have in and out of the water. This is on the top of my to do list.
I just feel like I need a little more excitement in my life, or possibly a little more surprise. I am such a planner that there are very few things that ever catch me off guard. When something does it is clearly a message that things need to be mixed up a little bit. The next year is going to be a big one for me (hopefully) and I need to make sure that I don't get lost in my "grown up" self.
So I leave you sunny California inspired to bring back a little bit of that college Cali girl with me. Watch out Boston I'm back!