Damn You Google.

Again I am not pregnant. Ugh. This whole non-pregnancy thing is really starting to wear on me. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe something is wrong. I mean I have already been able to get pregnant twice, on the first try, so why not now? It's been 5 months of "trying" and still nada. As in nada, zilch, zero. 

Since everyone I've ever meet seems to be getting pregnant at the drop of the hat, I can't help but wonder why not me? The only thing that I can think is that maybe there was some screw up that occurred during or after the D&E that I had in September. You know me, if I think it then in my head it must be true.

 Before I called my doctor in a panic I decided to google "difficulty conceiving after D&E." I can hear all of you out in blogland screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOO at me, but I did it, it's done, and OMG I am now completely freaking out. Of course every search result that came up not only confirmed my greatest fears but of course created a thousand new ones. *

After about 15 minutes of obsessive "surfing" I called my OB in a panic and I was able to get an appointment for Monday. I then called the husband who 1) told me he was going to disconnect my Internet if I don't stop googling this kind of stuff, 2) the worst case scenario is that there is some scar tissue creating a blockage which can easily be removed, and 3) that he loved me.

I finally tore myself away from the countless horror stories of infertility and loss when the battery on my computed ran out (a sign from above?). After a massive squeeze of the little man I decided that there is nothing I can do until Monday and I poured myself an extra large glass of wine. I woke up today in a completely different mindset and I am now looking forward to my appointment Monday. At least I should have some answers.  If there is a blockage than that would explain why nothing is working. If there isn't than I know that there is nothing we can do but keep trying. Either way I will be able to get rid of this nagging in my head. 

I also have learned my lesson about the Internet. Most of the heath related information out there really is the "worst case scenario" type of stuff. I just need to remember that just because this information is so readily available out there doesn't make it any more statistically likely to happen to me. For now I'll be waiting to hear from my real "in person" doctor what the actual situation is. 

Damn you Google. 

* I really should have learned my lesson the last time I googled "immunizations and fevers" when the little man spiked a fever after his MMR shot. Do not under any circumstances type this into your queue, you will just have to trust me on this one.