Wait, Writing The Damn Thing Isn't The Hard Part?

I just spent the weekend "researching" how hard it is going to be to get my book published (assuming I move past chapter  2.) Apparently I was thinking way too big. Forget getting published, I need to get an agent. Not such an easy task i soon found out. Not at all. Here is how the conversation with myself went. I think the 5 stages of grief sum it up pretty well. 
  1. Denial- OK, this website is wrong. I really don't have to query (whatever the hell that is) this many agents waiting months before I hear back. What? All these websites say the same thing? Well they are all wrong.
  2. Anger-Are you effing kidding me. I have dreamt of this book from years. my blood (not really) sweat (well sort of) and tears (you got me there) will have gone into this thing, and all I get is to send a one page cover letter to some "person" who is going to decide whether my book (baby) is good enough? I don't think so!
  3. Bargaining- What if I write the book really fast and give up all online shopping (gasp) then can a get an agent? Please, Please, Please? Honey, why can't you fix this??????
  4. Depression- Why even write the stupid thing. It's not like anyone is ever going to read it. I mean, really, what's the point?
  5. Acceptance- Fine. If this is how the game is played, I show them. I'll write the best query they have ever seen and they will all want exclusive rights to my book. Then I'll pit them all against each other and see you can come up with the best book deal plus an advance for the next two novels! I'll show you who's in charge.
I think I am currently looming between stage 3 and 4. With all those crappy books out there who knew this could be so hard. Worst case scenario you can download yummy mummy's book right here for 99 cents sometime next year. Maybe I'll be able to get those new Louboutins after all. Who needs "the man"? Not me (unless of course he wants my book, and then me, me, me).