What The Us Weekly?

I love Fridays. Love them. Why you ask? Because that is the beautiful, magical day that my beloved Us Weekly arrives.

US Weekly is (was) perfect in every way. It has all the celebrity gossip that one could ask for and it can be read in under 20 minutes. I never realized how necessary this was, until I had my son. There I was home with my new baby, completely disconnected from the outside world. Disconnected from my single friends, disconnected from the world of Reese, Angelina, Jen, and Nicole. Every Friday I would hear that click of the mail being dropped in the mailbox and I would pull on my robe, tie back my greasy hair and walk (run) to the front of my house tearing through the piles of catalogs, searching for that beautiful glossy cover. All at once I was connected to a world of A-list events, perfectly coiffed hair and beautifully made up faces. Sure I would still read (skim) the other mags that I had religiously subscribed to. But when that Fall Vogue (670 pages) hit my doorstep, I knew those days had passed. So there I was, in between feedings, feeling alive, connected...almost human. It was quick, it was dirty, it was heaven.

That was then. What has happened to my beloved? Where have you gone? Why oh why has Heidi Montag been on the cover of your magazine 3 times in the past three months. Hey, I love the Hills as much as the next girl, but can Heidi really be considered a celebrity? On what planet? Mario Lopez? Who are you? Why do I care that you and your girlfriend from that dancing show broke up? And for that matter why do I care that she got a nose job? Zach Morris doesn't even care.

This week was the pinnacle of all things D-List. Page 2 Cat Deeley from So You Think You Can Dance? Brooke Hogan on the Cover? Page 4 Aubrey O'day from Danity Kane? Page 6 Bethenny Frankel from The Real Housewives from NYC? This is where I stopped reading. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. WHY DO I CARE WHAT THEY ARE DOING? What is this, the Star, or In Touch Weekly?

Stay tuned, the way things are going you may soon see Yummy Mummy of Diary of a Yummy Mummy on page 10.